Tag Archives: Wholeness

The Waiting Game: Meditations on Finding My Purpose

Hey Speakerz! Woah. Okay wasn’t it just Monday? I mean, seriously? It’s time for our next topic of the week already?! YES! This week’s topic is on what it means to follow your dreams, purpose and wholeness. Let’s dive in, shall we?

This week, I spent a lot of time being down on myself. I constantly felt as though what I was doing wasn’t enough. I wasn’t moving fast enough. I wasn’t making as much money as I wanted to. But that wasn’t really what got to me. I realized that I was working so very hard and approaching burnout because I was trying to cover up loneliness. We’re all human. I love myself and my alone, but humans are social creatures. We’re meant to live collectively in some form or fashion. So I used avoidance. But when coming face to face with the truth, I didn’t die, go up in flames or wallow in tears. I just admitted the hard truth and found self care. In that self care, I found more of myself than I had known before.

I have such a love of being multi-talented. I love that I can do so many things. The kicker is, it’s a gift and a curse. If I’m not doing more than 2 projects at one time, I get bored and when I’m bored, I self sabotage, so I overwork myself. We all have our patterns. What’s yours? How do you self care? How do you find your purpose and not only find it, but live in it? 

I recently re-watched the Matrix Films. In it, many characters talk about purpose. It is the importance of fulfilling purpose that drives them. So I thought about mine. Each individual on this planet has SO much to offer the world. How do we ever think or believe that we aren’t enough?! We are the world! Literally! 

I was also struck by the concept of waiting. People “wait” for the right romantic partner, we “wait” for our one shot at greatness, we “wait” to eat better. The problem with waiting is that we wait for so long that we wind up forgetting what it is that we even wanted! So why not prepare, train and work towards the many moments in which we shine and show our humanity to whoever is around? We are enough. We are beautiful. We are human. We deserve the work of our purpose. 
Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

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The True Meaning of My Queer: Meditations on Embracing the Lack of a Box

Hey Blogosphere! It has been an EVENTFUL week! I turned 25 on Friday and with the official embrace of a quarter of a century came a fully developed brain with less than developed thoughts to sort through. This week’s topic is about embracing my true Queerness. Let’s dive in, shall we?

 

Queer:

 

(Adjective)

Strange, odd, abnormal, unusual, uncanny, weird.

 

Weird:

(Adjective)

Suggesting something supernatural, uncanny, unnatural,                                                 otherworldly

 

Wyrd: A concept in Anglo-Saxon culture roughly corresponding to fate or personal destiny. The world is ancestral to Modern English “weird”.

 

Why do I write all of those definitions, you ask? Well, in order to understand truly what it means to be “Queer” in the whole sense of the word and not just in who I’m attracted to, I decided to do some sleuthing. What I found is fate. Literally. I found my fate in the words I’ve been using. I believe that words have power and to know what we truly are, we have to know what the words truly mean. Just what are we saying when we say that we’re Queer, or Weird? Really, what all of these came back to is living outside of the box. What is it like to defy the box? What kind of human being lives without there being a box? I am me and that is simply truth, whether or not there is a box involved is purely up to you, for I’ve stepped out of it.

Once I’ve stepped out of it, what is it that I’ve found? I’ve found myself, outside of human definition and ties. One thing that I am learning about millenials is that we are defining our own lives absent of what our parents have laid for us. We challenge gender norms, racial inequity and inequality, capitalism, etc. We just don’t care. We are not adhering to any of the stuff that came before us. We are Queer. One of the things that I love about learning to accept all of me is that in learning who you are, you can then appreciate who you are not. Who am I? Do I like the color blue? Do I want to wear heels and makeup? Am I slim? Am I Vegan? Do I have to put a label on anything that I am?

The closer I get to my purpose, the more I realize that I am paving the way. Millenials are paving the way from what did not exist before. Not only do we create whole new identities, we are creating new entrepreneurial statuses. Our parents and their parents never dreamed that we would, and so their growing frustration comes not from a want to halt our progress, but from a mis-understanding. Let us take the time to love and massage assuredness and then continue on our path. We are. We make. We breathe. We live. We exist. As we pull back the veil, let us hold each other tight. Hold tight to our convictions, to our bravery, to our heart.  As we continue to discover and uncover the uncomfortable, the queer, let us truly and honestly look at and accept our undefineability. Truly. I sometimes say “I don’t wanna be boxed!” and then I unwittingly box myself. Let us find the freedom in the empty. I am alone, but I am certainly not lonely. Welcome the Queer.