Te Amo Mas Que
I loved you more than I knew how
You had to teach me
But I was a fast learner
I used to watch you sleep and when you wrapped your arms around me
I wanted it to be forever
I knew when I boarded that plane that you would never join me here
Our listening ears were never meant to work
Joy and Splendor
met with betrayal on a sunny day and planned their escape
Healing work for you eclipsed any of what we could have been and denial of
Queerness left me feeling alone
He mistreated you and I witnessed what you couldn’t let me give
“I know you”
that’s what I said when I first met you
I knew that we had met before and that we were game changers
of a different kind
When I fell in love with you
I don’t think ill of the day you left
You gave me so much but really all I wanted was for you to
Be whole with me
In a world of differing values and ethics
To remain in my space is to thrive
To exist in the radiance that is my
Is to acknowledge that
We are different
and yet we coexist.
Too many of the world’s children embrace mediocrity.
should not exist within those boundaries
Love is revolutionary.
My love has embraced imperfection and shattered your previous notions
I possess the capacity for
life changing love
But only for those willing to let vulnerability rain in waves of
the innermost being.
Those brave enough to dive deep.
Can you swim?
When was the last time you let yourself
When did you laugh for you?
When did you masturbate for you?
Hold you in your palm
You’re much too vast to be held by so small
So do it
How it scares you
Do what you’ve never done
Be who you’ve yet to have been
To put it mildly, I’ve become THAT person.
The one who ignores texts and doesn’t answer when you call.
The one who doesn’t leave the house for anyone
The one who doesn’t engage unless it holds benefit
The one who cries at how far humanity has to elevate
The one who works hard for self and not for capitalist ventures
The one who masturbates because reclaim is better than transfer
The one who.
The one who.
The one who.
I am finally that person.
Shall we embrace?
That foreign place that I loathe to return to.
What is me?
Where is home?
What do we return to when we step foot on stolen land?
I had a person say to me this week,
“You don’t look black”.
It was in the heat of bed and I should have known some stupid
shit like that was bound to come out in the midst of hide and seek but I thought
But yea, it was said and in my head I was ready to shoot out what the old me would have
The fuck you mean?
I don’t look like straight out of Africa? Well then you tell me, what does straight out of Africa look like?
When on a Saturday night it all catches up with you.
You cry for the black people dead today.
You cry for the black people dead this week.
You cry for the black people dead this month.
You cry for the black people dead this year.
You cry so much that you fear you won’t stop.
Until you do.
You are not numb.
You don’t have a choice.
When you seek out your sister
do not present your
as a wall.
Don’t you see?
both of you hurt
both of you seek
both of you cry
Instead, walk into her arms
The evil has not won.
You are here.
Make yourselves dinner.
Make yourselves lemonade.
Remember that love keeps you alive for this moment and for the moments that follow