Category Archives: Sexuality

Open-Minded Is Dangerous: Meditations on Un-Learning, Re-Learning & Listening

“You have to be willing to teach men, baby.” My mother said as we delved deeper into both conversation and cheesecake. I looked up at her like “Que?!” This was coming from the woman who raised me and my brother as a single parent, and is now happily tied with my stepfather as they treat each other like beautiful gifts instead of roles to be set and conquered. I sat confused. I sat hurt, not because of anything to do with sexism or patriarchy, but because in some ways I was reaching too high and my wings “needed” to be clipped by a “reality” that I never consented to join in the first place.

Hey Speakerz! Yet another Meaning-Full Monday with yet another blog post! This week was one that seemed to fly by and while time is a social construct, I do think that weeks/days/years/hours/seconds have their own distinct feel. Last week felt like Unlearning to me. “Unlearning” is a term that my friends and I tend to use in conversation regarding discovery of self and the world around us. Most of us are millennials in our mid-late 20’s. Yes, we’re the ones who are constantly shit on for being different. Every generation has their “moment” in which the previous are like “they’re destroying everything”  and we’re no different. “Unlearning” encompasses the act of deconstruction. Taking apart everything that you’ve been taught, evaluating and deciding what to salvage, what to discard and how to move forward. Today’s post is largely concerning “unlearning”, “re-learning” and “open-mindedness” in terms of black queer womxnhood in conjunction with experiencing patriarchy, sexism and misogyny.

The other day, I sat with my mother in Juniors (a magnificent place for Cheesecake in NYC. Like seriously. Go there) and as we sat and talked, she asked me some important questions as she usually does. Black mothers have this uncanny way of making you think about the exact thing that you might have been avoiding in a gentle but firm way. I honestly think it’s genetics. But I digress, my parents who are older than your average Millennial parent have no idea what to do with me or the Millennials in general. Sometimes when I talk with my mother, our views clash because I have no intention of living my life as the generations before lived theirs and I realize that the uncertainty in many ways leaves anxiety for those who are nearing the end of their cycles on this plane.

Explaining my Openness in my sexuality to my mother was something that I never really considered as an anniversary, mark on the calendar moment. I never really had a “coming out” moment. She knows my preferences and has her own reservations and homophobic moments and I establish boundaries. I’ve been attracted to so many various types of people for so long that for me, embracing the fact that a “scale” of attraction is in many ways unnecessary for me. Embracing a label, even Queerness is something that I use for convenience in conversation rather than to define myself. At the same time, as long as I know myself well, and know what it is that I want and need and can communicate that openly and honestly, then that’s all that should matter right?

One topic of conversation that sat so strongly with me all week was the danger in being so open-minded. With all the beautiful, brown, open and openminded womxn that I know and love, all of us have found great love amid great strife. As educated and in many ways privileged as we are, we find ways to filter a space that annihilates ideals of right and wrong, good and bad and ugly and beautiful. We simply exist in our truth as different and in many ways holy as they are. Black and brown womxn in the new generations in specific seem to be unwilling to compromise as we move forward and I honestly believe that is what will change the world for the better.

This idea that womxn have to be gentle with men and their fragile egos is something that I find myself and my sisters pushing back on. If I can dismantle the problematic ideology that I was conditioned with, so should men. The expectation should be present more than anything else. Let’s change the narrative. I’m finding more and more that as we unpack this conditioning of marriage and children being the height of a womxns’ life, we find more equality and stability. I have no intentions of being “equal” with anyone. I have every intention of engaging in humanity. I’m human and so are you, different as we are. I want equity. I want accountability.

So often, I’ve been confronted with conversations that start with “well that’s just how it is”. But don’t “we” as a society make it that way? Therefore, that very same “we” can dismantle it. Taking part in the problematic behavior does nothing to correct it. Blame and shame are games that society toys with, especially with black women. We are shamed for our preferences, for our thoughts, for daring to reach higher than our foremothers did. Yet still, we do so unapologetically. Therein lies the danger. To be black and womxn is dangerous. To be black, womxn and open is another type of danger entirely. To have an open mind in my opinion, which changes every day is to acknowledge that learning is constant. I may think/feel this way today, but tomorrow, I can think/feel something else entirely. I grow with every moment that I spend in this body, time, place, etc. To find all types of people sexy, to want to experience them sexually, intimately, emotionally, and/or otherwise and to be unapologetic about that behavior is in many ways contradictory to society’s goals of sameness and this is again seen as dangerous. It is something to be ashamed of rather than liberated by. Sexual assault is not a coincidence or a random throw of the dice, it’s a tactic. 

Patriarchy and misogyny along with a host of other societal pressures and conditioning prevents human beings from fully experiencing our whole range of capability. Black Queer Womxn have for centuries turned all ideology on it’s head and for that we’ve been assaulted, molested, raped, killed, etc. It may hurt to speak about, but poison bites two ways, on the way in and on the way out. To acknowledge and to move forward is to raise a new generation of womxn. Womxn who are strong and fearless, are human and precious. It’s all a part of the un-learning.

Re-Learning is fun because it’s all a new process. Actively creating a new way of operation is a part of the healing process. We can’t have one without the other. In positions of privilege, how do we as human beings and more specifically as black and brown people, best support one another?

Do we listen? I’ve been reading a lot of articles recently on the importance of knowing how to listen. Last week, I was with two friends, both black males and I just sat and listened. There came a point where they both asked me what I thought about something and while I gathered my thoughts, they talked over and past me and soon the moment was gone. I could’ve pointed out the misogyny, but I decided that all of this was a learning moment for me. I don’t always want to have to teach men, especially black men about their patriarchal tendencies. Be accountable for and to your own self!

Just how do I listen? I enjoy listening to others speak and while I take everything in, I become a sponge. I’m not in a talking mode because I’m fully invested in listening mode. So often we listen to respond and especially for those conditioned as male, the expectation to specifically grasp the idea that deep thought is separate from a moment of deep listening isn’t present. Listen with more than just ears. Listen with your whole self, your entire atomic self and see just how much you pick up. I say this for everyone, all people.

How do we spend our time? In my world, time is my most precious friend, partner and confidante. If I choose to spend my time with you, if you have access to me, then you are probably important to me in this moment. How do you decide who gets that access and why? If someone abuses it, how do you handle the misuse?

How often do we pass the mic and let others speak? It’s not always important to speak. Your experience isn’t the only one that matters. There are different levels of this even among black queer womxn. If the space is for a specific moment, acknowledge that and act accordingly.

Everyone wants to feel and be seen. Just see them. 

As I continue to grow and learn and listen, I hope that I stay open-minded, but I also commit to doing the work to stay that way. Open-mindedness is a choice. A dangerous one. One that can cost life and love, but I like to think that we can all find completion in what we desire with knowledge of self.

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

She Ain’t My Wonder Woman: The Problematics of White Feminism and Film

Hey Speakerz! Another Monday, with more material. Most recently, there’s been tons of buzz around the DC comic turned film “Wonder Woman“. The film is the first in history to feature a woman superhero as a lead role and while some have fallen madly in love with the idea of a sword wielding woman taking no stuff, others have felt once again left out of the narrative. Why? Well because Wonder Woman in her fullness has always been a white feminist ideal, even from her inception. So before we delve in, let’s take off our hats of fragility, look at the facts and remember that equality should not come one gender, race, or social construct at a time. Let’s dive in, shall we?

Where did Wonder Woman begin and how? Her first appearance was in DC All Star Comics #8 in October of 1941. She was created by two white men by the names of William Moulton Marston and Harry G. Peter. The character modeled after the women suffragists of the turn of the century, namely Margaret Sanger, a white woman who like her peers fought for birth control, the sterilization of black women and refused to see past any other fight than that of white womanhood. Don’t believe me? Ask google. It’s factual. Since her inception, Wonder Woman has been given a more muscular look by yet another male artist, George Perez and declared bi-sexual in an effort to give her a broader span of audience.

Wonder Woman, or Diana Prince, as is her civilian name is an Amazon Princess from Themyscira located on mystical and magical Paradis Island. I’m gonna take a guess and if they call themselves Amazons, then they’re located deep in the Amazon Rainforest which is in South America which has the largest population of Black and Brown people outside of the continent of Africa due to the TransAtlantic Slave Trade, but I suppose that in the world of Comics that’s not so.

The thing that makes me question the most isn’t the factual evidence of Wonder Woman as a problematic source. What makes the question is the reaction to her. Are women, specifically white women,  so hungry for representation that they’ll take anything thrown in their way? This leads me back to a post I made a while ago about Nate Parker’s “Birth of a Nation” and the support given to him despite the fact of the one dimensional rape narrative that he presented in more ways that just the film. Being desperate brings about a terrible reality. We will accept anything presented even at the expense of someone else’s humanity. She ain’t my wonder woman because I don’t see any of myself reflected in her but also because she represents everything oppressive that I as a young, black, queer, lower middle class woman has ever known. Even if she isn’t oppressive to you, the fact that I am oppressed and expressing that reality should make a person think twice. If not…why? Why do you not question? Why do you not stand with me in my hurt, even though you will never understand?

Overwhelmingly, the film industry is still run by the rich, white and male. I could say many things about this, but let’s focus on the reality that the male gaze is still in complete control. So no. The film will not feature a complete adherence to all annihilation of privilege. It will have the male gaze because it is still engineered by and for the male gaze even in it’s seeming progressiveness.  What does it look like to completely band with fellow frustrated sisters? It is as though we are all still attempting to get into the “club” that wasn’t made for us in the first place. The “club” exists because someone is on the inside and the outside. It wouldn’t be the “club” if everyone was accepted. What poison do you wish to consume?

I shouldn’t have to convince you of my worth, even if I am well aware of my own self worth in this world. It isn’t this hard. Embrace all of our humanity. Embrace ALL of the Wonder of Women, not just those engineered to satisfy.

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

I Awake, I Escape, I Cultivate, I Expose: Meditations on Soulwork 

Hey Speakerz! Happy Monday! As my first day off in a long time, I’ve committed to writing this from the joyous comfort of my bed. Today’s topic is one of spirit and yes I may get very third eye open, next level plane spoken. I owe the title of this post to a theater exercise introduced to me by my tribe of the moment. If you’re reading this, yes I mean you. The Topic of the day is Soulwork and how we engage with our spiritual experience in our hueman bodies.

Lightworker

I remember being a child and feeling the confusion of ancient and youthful. I was always finding ways to communicate with a deeper sense of self. I would suck on crystals, spend all day digging in the earth, play with birds, and splash in water while at the same time find moments of extreme stillness and quiet and at other times become a regular 5 year old who wanted to run and play after her older brothers. Always a contradiction, no one really knew what to do with me. I’ve learned in my growth that when human beings are confused, we seek out ways to make sense of what doesn’t make sense. We box things. We label. We “under” stand. Why not let something just be what it is in all its contradictory confusion? Is there a way to “under”, “inner”, and “over” stand and then simply just embrace the moment for what it is?

Angel in a Blue Dress

What is it to be different? What is it to not “belong” and instead of shy away from that, embrace it? In this, I’ve found “soulwork”. Soulwork for me is the act of balance in working on mind, body and spirit. All of these culminate in the creation of a soul. I’ve talked before about my theories on soul and while I do believe that soul can’t be boxed and just is, I also believe that there are ways to truly know, love and explore what my own personal soul is. I will be exploring from now until the day my soul leaves this plane of existence and goes beyond, so why not embrace the ride. I always notice that when I’m moving with my soul and flowing with life, just how blessed and engaged I am and when I move against, just how congested and sickly my life becomes. So maybe the question is, how do we let flow?

Self love routines and creation with exploration can all lead to a healthy amount of soulwork. But what really is “Soulwork”? How can we listen to Mother Earth? How do we cultivate true and real love within ourselves before engaging in anything else? What is the work that must be done to truly see both light and dark, whole and fragmented, deep and shallow in our own existence?

Light in Dark places

Most recently, I sat with someone that I consider a soul-mate and anchor. They talked about how they’d seen things, their passion and their hopes and within them, I saw my own soul staring back at me. I wanted to listen to them talk forever. I got home that night and cried, because I know my own soul. This knowing allowed me to recognize and love the separation and collision of atoms that brought us to that moment. That’s connection. That is soul work. Doing the work that is required of your own soul. I’ve written about this before, but when I say “soul-mate”, I mean that there are people in my life that I consider mates of my soul. They are maybe people that my soul has lived with before in other lives or maybe just on the same vibrational frequency. Whatever it is, there is something so familiar about them and we always exist in peace and learning together for however long we have.

Food of life

Most recently, I had an eye-opening conversation with a part of my heart. I work a lot with a belief in chakras, alignment, blockages, etc. Having a steady aura and energy is very important to me. I work with crystals, I have a balanced diet, I do lots of yoga and am focusing on how to turn my love for theater, music and teaching into a business. It takes a lot of work and time and yes some money, but everything is unfolding as it’s supposed to. I realize that I walk through the world with my third eye and crown chakras first and foremost. The way that I engage begins from the top and works downward. With all of the barrage of information and advertisements, most people in America in particular, operate with huge blockages. We are such a sexually explicit and yet repressed society and so many people think with those parts of themselves first and foremost and yet lose sight of the magic of what energy can really do. How do we cleanse so that we awake? What exactly is it to be woke? Is it balance?

How then, do we find the balance of awake, escape, cultivate and expose?

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

 

Self Love: The Importance of Romancing the Soul & Old Ways

Hey Speakerz! This topic came about one late sober night as I sat by myself, romancing my soul and I thought it would be cool to elaborate on with y’all! Today’s topic is on romance, and the emergence of “old” ways and how they can play a part in self care and self love.

When I was little my mom would always say that I should learn how to play by myself. Let’s just say I learned the lesson too well and now I’m a lot bit introverted. I appreciate the outside world and its inhabitants, I just love my own solitary space so very much that I have a hard time giving it up on odd days and maybe even too. The more I speak to elders in my life, the more they talk about how important it is to have a “self care routine”. This routine is all about getting deep into your own soul and while it is in fact work, it can also be a soothing, cleansing release from the everyday conditioning of the world.

I’ve always been sensual. Aware of all the senses and wanting to use and explore each one. This lead to being a serious romantic. For a while, it was a secret. I hid it under lock and key. It seemed that in the world I lived in being romantic and or sensual needed a monogamous relationship and without that, there was no place for my sensuality. I don’t mean to say that sensuality and romance are inherently mutually inclusive. They can be, but don’t have to be.

I’ve learned in the years of adulthood, just how to be romantic with myself. Usually, when I get home after a long day, I light some sage and incense followed by candles and of course string lights. After the ambiance is set, I pull out jazz music because my soul loves jazz in the best of ways. Most nights,  I’ll make my own tea from herbs that I pick up here and there with almond milk and agave and just sit and revel in what I’ve created. (If anyone wants a recipe for teas, hollar at me!) It may seem like a little old lady and I don’t mind. It gives my soul completion. So what do you do? What’s your self care routine? Does self care come instinctively?

I always used to ask myself the question that if I don’t want to romance and fall in love with myself, why or how would I be able to do the same for someone else. While I love being able to romance other people that I have in my life, I always appreciate being able to do it for myself first and foremost. Onto the emergence of old ways. I know that myself and a lot of friends tend to make fun of each other for being “old”. Most of my friends have old souls and I like to think that it’s because vibration attracts vibration. In a society that values youth so very heavily, how does that make for being able to embrace the sensual solitary act of curling up with a book or coffee or even just staring out the window at the sky? Does it at the core have anything at all to do with age? Maybe we put too much on it. I have aunts and uncles who are older and although married, still value their alone time, their “self care routines”.

In romantic routine, is there something to be said for the old? I’m a bit of a purist. Although a staunch minimalist, I have an old cassette player and cassettes, vinyl, old clothes of my grandmothers and mothers, etc. I appreciate the old things that seem to carry so much history with them. It seems that in America, societally there’s an obsession with certain time periods and although I love what those time periods have to teach me, I’m not drawn to them for the purposes of re-living. I’m drawn for the purposes of remembrance and self exploration. I love jazz from the 40s because it pulls on my heart in a certain way, but I also love jazz from 2016. How do we establish balance between the old and the new?

Self care doesn’t have to involve romance. Your self care is your self care. What’s important is that you do take care of yourself. Develop your routine. Romance yourself before anyone else.

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Womanhood: Sexual Liberation in a Time of Need vs. Want, Repression & Release

Hey Speakerz! This week was an eye-opening one, full of liberation and the twenties. I’m back to speaking on one of my absolute favorite topics, sex and sexuality! Discovering myself as a sexual being is something that I feel is so important, especially because black women’s sexual autonomy is constantly policed. While this is true, I’ve found that taking the time to be in my own body and space and knowing who I am is paramount to knowing what it is that I want in a sexual partner. So, today’s topic is on Womanhood, exploring sex in a healthy way and what is a need, followed by a want as well as repression and release concerning sexual ideals. 

With almost 8 months of celibacy under my belt, I began to feel as though I either might not ever want sex again or that I would die if I didn’t have sex soon. So began the tug of war. What is “sexual liberation” and how do we, meaning queer/straight millenial poc deal with our own needs and desires? From what I’ve gathered, being sexually liberated means having the innerstanding of the inner workings of one’s desire as well as the discipline and vocal wherewithal to bring about means of expression for that sexual experience whatever that may be.

I struggled for a while with this explanation. I’m a queer, polyamorous, old soul having millenial who doesn’t adhere to respectability politics and is so unapologetic that I most often don’t actually care to deal with others projections of low vibrational bull shit. So, sexual liberation is a given right? WRONG. I super recently broke my 8 months of celibacy with someone with a penis who identifies as a straight, monogamous man and it took a while for me to openly ask for that experience, mostly because understanding my sexual liberation is also understanding the energy transfer that comes with sexual expression particularly with intercourse. The gender norms and politics don’t have to be adhered to, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t present and how, then do we move forward? How do we engage past the sexism, hetero-patriarchy and ego to a place of real and honest connection that brings us to liberation?

How often do I have sex because I genuinely want to?

How often to I feel pressured to perform?

How often do I think about connecting and not dis-connecting in an effort not to feel because feeling too much is scary/overwhelming?

How often do I feel safe enough to connect?

All of these things lead to blockages or breakthroughs in our ability to truly experience liberation concerning sex. The thing is that everyone should be able to experience what it is to not be judged for being a sexual being. Many people have sex. Many people don’t. It’s okay to express. Being closed off about it only leads to sexual repression. I always wanted to talk in depth and length about sex but would always be stopped by the older people around me. There is so much unlearning that has to take place surrounding sex and desire.

Moving onward to needs and wants. Throughout the exploration of my own sexual liberation, I came across a funny feeling. Is sex a need or a want for me? Some people say that it’s a need, some say a want. Can it be a neant? A combination of both? I found in myself that there are times when it is one and then the other and then a mixture, mostly because I am a changing human being and every day brings about something different. Sex is like food. I need to eat because my body needs the fuel, but what I eat determines just how my body will run. So maybe I do a cleanse once in a while, maybe I eat more fruit than meats, and maybe I eat junk food on a regular.

What is your style of self care? Sex is a means of reproduction, but it’s also a means of energy transfer, healing, grounding, expression, etc. Masturbation restores my energy and helps me to manifest and connect with just how my inner self is doing. Sexual intercourse involving another human body allows me to dispel some energy but also to regain my own and form a connection to a higher self and stream of consciousness.

What is your intention? In a world where we are constantly bombarded with images and energy, how do we set intention, when and why? Do you ever think about an intention not just for your day, but for that moment? When I engage in anything, I immediately set my intention. “This will feed my soul and give the energy I need to do such and such”. That way, there is no misplaced anything. If something comes up, I can figure out exactly where it came from because I was intentional. Intentions for sex can be mind-blowing and soul-healing. You don’t have to say it out loud, you can say it to yourself, but always have a direction for the energy to go, otherwise, what are you inviting? Carelessness?

Using your whole self in sex is such a release. Use your voice, throat chakra, your root, sacral chakra, your heart, your third eye, your hands, mouth, hair, etc. Why not throw yourself headfirst into the experience and let your spirit soar and then return? Being an adult in terms of behavior is paramount. And now, come to think about it, I don’t like that phrase. Being considerate and responsible with sexual energy is better. People tend to say that I “act like a guy” post sex because although I am fully present in an experience, I’m not attached or clingy. I allow the energy to flow and then I maintain my autonomy. So often, those classified as women are expected to be these emotional creatures that want marriage and use sex to get love in both heterosexual and homosexual interactions. While that is true of some people, it is also true that sexual liberation allows space for a new type of woman: A woman that embraces her power and can embrace the sexual energy and then let it flow. This woman isn’t “acting” as anything. She’s in touch, she implores self love and most importantly, she moves on. If you are one of those women, I salute you for your journey and I say, continue on. As your fellow sister and “too much” woman, I say that we need more examples of women like us. 

Sex can be such a liberating and beautiful experience, let’s engage.

 

Love Always,

 

Damali Speaks Xx

Running from the Reign: Discoveries of Freedom & Spirit

Hey Speakerz! Back at it again! I am currently writing this from a sort of renewed and re-birthed place. So, if you feel newborn vibes from me, it’s all a part of the cycle. With yesterday being Easter, it was so important to harness the energy of the day as I spent it in Prospect Park in Brooklyn with some wonderful Warriors of Light (I’m calling whoever I meet as my tribe member at any point in time a Warrior of Light) as we worked through our collective pain to re-birth ourselves. Sharing my growth into today is my name. The most difficult thing for me to embrace is my name. My birth name is different from what I feel I need to be called and though I’ve been fighting it for a long time, I’m learning to embrace my true name and my spirit. After all, words are spells and we must use them to bless and not curse. Today’s topic is on Love, Self & Spirit. Let’s dig in!

What’s something that you love so much that you could not drown, but swim in? For me, that’s rain. I love the rain. Yesterday in Prospect Park, it rained heavily for about 15 minutes. It was cold and almost like knives digging into my flesh. I heard people running and screaming around me in fear and I thought. “It’s water.” How can we say that we love water and rain that falls from the sky and yet want to interact with it only from the safety under an umbrella? How have we as human beings and spirits of the Universe lost our selves so much? Loving something, someone, some self, means that we don’t drown in it with the intention of sinking to the bottom, never to be seen or heard from again. To love something wholly, means to swim, to flow with the tide, to ride, to seek, to find solace in, etc. and yet to understand that love is freedom. Set what you love free so that it can roam, live, and be found again anew within you. When we hold on to what is no longer ours, we don’t allow for the energy to flow. We remain stunted in the same loop. To keep the flow of energy going is to create an elevated loop, a deja vu that’s not quite the same.

How do I really love? I know that I’ve been programmed to believe that sex is an act only done with someone you love, love is possession, love is all-encompassing, an act of passion, monogamy, workaholic, self-sacrifice, etc. The more I roam this earth and meet more spirits housed in human bodies, the more I realize that love is so much more than I could ever have imagined. Yesterday, sitting in a cocoon of love, I realized that love doesn’t reflect time. It lives outside of it, yet it is still stable. Grounded. Reveling in love, doesn’t need to mean the things that I was programmed for them to mean. Being in the present with time is understanding the harnessing of present energy and respecting it. Living in the moment and letting that moment live.

How then, do I love my self? How do I establish a relationship with my self so strong that no matter what I do,  I am always my authentic self? Self love and self care. Lately, “Self Care” rather than “Self Love” has made it’s way into my vocabulary. How to Care for ones’ Self is an important space to live in, to make a home in. So many human beings have made homes in places and left the self an empty shell. But what if we all became committed to making homes in our selves and roamed in freedom and nature? What would that look like?

Duality. There is an important necessity in duality. The world balances itself out. In every day simple things, we have the presence of a penis, balanced with a vagina. Masculine energies balanced with feminine energies. Warm white light balanced with pure and black energy of creation and absorbed power. As so above, so below. Neither is better or worse, it just is. It is simply, maintenance of balance. As human beings with eternal spirits, how do we revel in our own duality? What is our dark nurtured by our light, what is our wrong nurtured by our right? Still, there isn’t just the two extremes side by side. There’s a whole scale. I’m attracted to the spectrum. I enjoy chocolate, vanilla, and cherry, mango, pineapple, etc. Our duality is all encompassing and we should be allowed to explore and play in it, rather than be forced to pick a side unnecessarily.

This leads to Spirit. Some call it spirit, intuition, “gut instinct”, etc. That feeling in your core at various moments. How often do you listen to it? In the span of a few months, I’ve been training myself to each morning, check in with my self, my intuition, and receive instructions for how to care for the little girl inside of me that still needs raising in so many ways. Sometimes the instructions are sweet: “Make sure to get a good hug and moment in the sun today.” Sometimes the instructions are sour: “Sit your ass down today and write”. Sometimes they just are: ” Fruit is imperative at this time. You need to be sweet and a little sour. Cut out all other foods and listen to the world speak”. Knowing when to listen to intuition versus the ego is crucial. When is my ego speaking? When is it my intuition?

Always operating from a place of love, acceptance and openness is so easy that it’s hard, and I’d be lying if I said that I always did it 100% because I’m human. I falter. But let’s remember to always rise. Move through our collective pain, embrace our human, be free and well, live this life we are blessed with.

 

Love Always,

 

Damali Speaks Xx

Beginning, Middle & End: Thoughts on the Omega

Hey Speakerz! Back at it again! This week’s topic is on Alpha and Beta personalities, and how societal pressures cause us to stand as one or the other. I’m a phone person. I would personally much rather speak with someone and hear their vocal inflections as the conversation takes its highs and lows rather than to text or email, etc. I bring that up because this week’s topic came about during a phone conversation and I thought “I’ve Got IT! This is some dope stuff!” and thus thoughts on societal status outside of capitalism were born in me.

According to Webster, the definitions of Alpha and Beta personalities are as follows:

Alpha: the highest ranking individual in a group

Beta: the lower ranking individual in a group

Now if we paid attention to these narrow definitions, you might be sitting there like “well that sucks”. The thing that bugged me the most in this subtle research was just how negative portrayals were the highlight of definitions and research instead of a person to person interaction. Here’s the thing, Alpha’s are the person who takes charge, the Type A, the person proclaimed a “bitch” by society if female and “big man in charge” if male. Alphas are typically the boss. The Beta’s are people who are Type B, laid back, maybe quiet, some might call them lazy or basic. Type B personalities are willing to fade into the background. Now personally, I thought that I was none of these. I’m not a Type A perfectionist, although I have my moments and I’m not a Type B laid back person, although I have my moments there as well. Thus, there emerged the Omega personality.

While Alpha and Beta are the beginning 2 letters of the Greek Alphabet, Omega is the 24th and final letter of the Greek Alphabet. Omega’s are a combination of Beta and Alpha. Possessing more Alpha than Beta, they are like the second in command. DING DING DING! I have found myself! How many of us in society are in the middle?

I always heard that Alpha is the beginning while Omega is the end. Alpha & Omega has a meaning of forever and always, as well. I always tried to fit one or the other. I could never belong solidly in one and I began to think that something was wrong with me, but in actuality, I’m just an animal that is rarely seen and not afraid of my rare status. That’s intimidating in a world where societal norms are so very strong. So what to do now? I always felt narrowed into a box with societal definitions and beyond that, the negative connotation that so many labels have. Maybe, being able to identify with a certain characteristic only further serves as a breadcrumb on the journey of self love and self actualization. Maybe, all that we encounter is really just one more breadcrumb. Why get caught up?

This all had me thinking of the roles that I’ve personally played in people’s lives and on a grander scheme, the roles that every human being plays in our collective lives. I notice that people come into my life when they need healing. are about to make a big choice, and need to see the full picture. Usually, when I enter people’s lives, I’m a good luck charm. Trust me, this is something I’ve put to the test multiple times. The thing about not embracing who we are and what we can do, leaves us with emptiness and in many ways a heavy exhaustion. But if we embrace all of ourselves, the Alpha, the Beta, the Omega, what magic can happen?

Let’s human beings move past the narrow definitions and the negative energy. Let’s just embrace who we are as imperfect and yet beautiful human beings. I do think that there is some truth and worth in the Alpha, Beta and Omega, but is it all of who I can be? Certainly not. I make my future. I design the life that I want and best believe it is phenomenal. I hope yours is too.

 

Love Always,

 

Damali Speaks Xx

Meaning-Filled Meditations: On Our Changing Selves

Hey Speakerz! You know it’s that time! Friday Meaning-Filled Meditations Time! Check out this weeks’ episode on Our Changing Selves. Remember to Like & Subscribe & Click that Follow button! 

Enjoy!


Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Stepping Out of the Box: Meditations on Love and Labels

Hey Speakerz! Wow! Some weeks go by quickly, others go by slowly. Really, what difference does it make, if any? Time is relative. Daylight saving. This week’s post is about the different kinds of love we can and do surround ourselves with. Let’s dive in!

We’ve established what it is to identify as Queer, now let’s think even more out of the box. Why? Well, because growth is stepping out of the box, pulling ourselves up and out of our comfort zones. Also, I realize that while the visibility for Queer black women is growing, so  too must the visibility for those of us who love differently in so very many ways. From the time that we as human beings are born, we are taught that there is a Prince Charming. Well, you can imagine the shock when you start being attracted to people and realize that Prince Charming could be either Prince or Princess or none of the above. Beyond that, they’re not actually royalty. There are no grand titles. So, Prince and Princess have the reality of being, a human being, possibly devoid of gender identity. Whoof! Glad we got through that! I get to be comfortable now right? Wrong!

I begin the dating process, and I realize that maybe what’s best is to find myself. I do a lot of self love, I dedicate myself to the movement. “I must be a forward thinker in all aspects.” No, I don’t live as a desexualized being, but I become much more choosy about who, where, why and how. Through this process, I learn that maybe monogamy in it’s traditional sense, isn’t what works for me. The classic, one man, one woman is already thrown out, so why not keep the broad?

I begin to engage with multiple identities with one common thread: Communication & Honesty. While doing this, I may find that there are other people who identify as I do! It’s called Polyamory! But then, I find multiple definitions and settings that only serve to make me more confused. So I defy the label. I live outside of it. I keep the thread of Communication & Honesty and leave the name somewhere in the wind as I run and jump in a meadow of acceptance. This cheesy dreamland is where I find myself.

Most people don’t understand the concept of loving more than one person openly, but it’s what we’re wired for. Why do we choose to live in a world of staunch monogamy? What if the “person of our dreams” is really ourselves and 10 additional people are our companions? They help guide us through life, they facilitate in our romantic development, they aid in communication improvement. Can that be enough?

Maybe the question isn’t if that can be enough, but how do we let love in? Every day, human beings choose to fight the programming and conditioning of thousands of years of expectation. We are expected as Americans in society to do certain things. Going against that reality requires a pioneering spirit. But let’s think critically. How many relationships end yearly because of “cheating”, which is really just code for lying? Too many. So what if the fear of rejection is gone and we’re openly allowed to discuss such taboo things as attraction to another human being? An open stream of communication allows for me to live freely and still have love in my life. It is possible to have my cake and eat it too! It just requires maturity of spirit. Why is this taboo again?

It would seem that fear navigates so much of our movement throughout this world. Unnecessary fear. It’s false. I don’t need or want it. So I simply discard it along with all the negativity and lower vibrational operations that the rest of the world wants me to pick up and carry. But hold on, we’re not finished!

Well, what about the people who are truly monogamous? I’m not saying that everyone should pick up the banner of multiple loving and storm through requiring that we all do the same. But what about just accepting the multiple and monogamous options? We should love, how we love. Be who we are. Wholly. Step out of our comfort zone and establish a being, human or otherwise.

The thing about love is that it’s expansive and never-ending. It doesn’t only filter in romantic or sexual relationships. What about the strong ties of friendship and sisterhood, brotherhood, etc. We have a very narrow scope of what those are and yet the love that they evoke can be so expansive. But without knowledge of self, how can we engage through all the rest? Through all the talk of attraction to others, how do we establish attraction with the self, the spirit absent of the ego? Human development is established in the Ego and the Spirit. The ego, is the truly human part of ourselves. It guards the petty, the self conscious, the prideful, etc. The spirit is the elevated state of ourselves. How can we filter between the two unless we know the two? Here we go with the Self Love mush.

Self love is really the fact that I know myself, I spend time with myself and I love who it is that I’ve found. Do I deserve to be alone and stranded because I’m not perfect? Certainly not! I deserve to be alone and full, complete, whole. Human beings are flawed and will continue to be. Knowing myself, loving myself, means that I can take accountability for myself and my actions. All of this is imperative in loving relationships with others. “Monogamous Heaven” as I like to call the expectation from society, leaves this part out. In “Monogamous Heaven” we wait for someone and we live happily ever after. But it’s a lie. That isn’t life. Life is constant work. Different types of work. We work on ourselves spiritually. We work on our career. We work on our communication. We work on maintaining the balance. The better we embrace it, the more ready we are for a life of adventure, acceptance, and yes…love.

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Meaning-Filled Meditations: On Choices

Hey Speakerz! 

You know it’s our Friday episode time! Today’s episode is about choices! How we make them? Why? When? & all the goodness! 

Enjoy!


Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx