Being Alive: Meditations on Alone, Alive & the Unknown

Hey Speakerz! Happy Monday! I hope that weekends were restful and cultivating and this monday isn’t about shaking off the blues but embracing a wonderful new way of life. I realize that on this blog, I talk a lot about self love, expression, artistry, aloneness, social justice, etc. I wondered why I “harped” so much on these topics and I realized that as a young 20 something in a metropolis, this is what I deal with in my day to day. This leads into our topic for the day. Our topic for today’s post comes from the song “Being Alive” from the musical Company. What exactly is “alive” and “alone”? How do we filter comfort in our aloneness while this society wants us to constantly have someone, not just in a romantic sense? Who are we?

I started to think, a few years ago about what made me, me. Am I this thought? Am I this emotion? Am I this work? What and who am I, exactly? The more I thought about it, the more secluded I became. I became a hermit. I stopped going out to clubs and bars unless it was to drink a glass of wine and draw by myself. Everything in my life became centered on myself. Many people around me, my family etc. began to say that I was “selfish” because of this newfound awakening and form of questioning. But let’s go back.

If we can acknowledge that the body that we live in is borrowed and we must return it when our time is up, can we also acknowledge that while the body dies, the soul lives on? Where we go isn’t as important as the discovery of just who this soul is that we exist with. Enjoying the little moments, the big moments, challenging ourselves to be better and bigger every day is one way that we learn who the soul is. Despite this, being a young millenial in 2017 is hard because I can admit that I don’t actually know anything and all the things I think I know are probably not in existence. So, in self discovery, being alive is presence. What presence do we have in our current position and how do we make it work for us? We are all alone. It’s true. We walk through this world in a singular existence looking out from our own eyes. But do we then have to be lonely? Does our purpose fill us enough?

How often are we as human beings trained to be people pleasers? From a young age, many of the people that I know, along with myself have spoken about how we are “recovering” people pleasers. I sometimes find myself wanting to do things on my own and then stopping. Sometimes I stop because of fear of the unknown, sometimes I stop because of the wanting to be “ready”. Are these all social constructions that cease to exist in reality? They seem to have the power that we give them. They only have as much grounding as we allow for them to have.

I’ve always heard the saying that someone is an “old soul”. This old soul status. What does it bring with it? A knowledge? A hunger for real, true and honest? Does it mean an understanding of the “aloneness” that seems to haunt us throughout our bodily existence?

How do we live in our alive? How do we love in our alone?

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The Waiting Game: Meditations on Finding My Purpose

Hey Speakerz! Woah. Okay wasn’t it just Monday? I mean, seriously? It’s time for our next topic of the week already?! YES! This week’s topic is on what it means to follow your dreams, purpose and wholeness. Let’s dive in, shall we?

This week, I spent a lot of time being down on myself. I constantly felt as though what I was doing wasn’t enough. I wasn’t moving fast enough. I wasn’t making as much money as I wanted to. But that wasn’t really what got to me. I realized that I was working so very hard and approaching burnout because I was trying to cover up loneliness. We’re all human. I love myself and my alone, but humans are social creatures. We’re meant to live collectively in some form or fashion. So I used avoidance. But when coming face to face with the truth, I didn’t die, go up in flames or wallow in tears. I just admitted the hard truth and found self care. In that self care, I found more of myself than I had known before.

I have such a love of being multi-talented. I love that I can do so many things. The kicker is, it’s a gift and a curse. If I’m not doing more than 2 projects at one time, I get bored and when I’m bored, I self sabotage, so I overwork myself. We all have our patterns. What’s yours? How do you self care? How do you find your purpose and not only find it, but live in it? 

I recently re-watched the Matrix Films. In it, many characters talk about purpose. It is the importance of fulfilling purpose that drives them. So I thought about mine. Each individual on this planet has SO much to offer the world. How do we ever think or believe that we aren’t enough?! We are the world! Literally! 

I was also struck by the concept of waiting. People “wait” for the right romantic partner, we “wait” for our one shot at greatness, we “wait” to eat better. The problem with waiting is that we wait for so long that we wind up forgetting what it is that we even wanted! So why not prepare, train and work towards the many moments in which we shine and show our humanity to whoever is around? We are enough. We are beautiful. We are human. We deserve the work of our purpose. 
Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Meaning-Filled Meditations: On Our Changing Selves

Hey Speakerz! You know it’s that time! Friday Meaning-Filled Meditations Time! Check out this weeks’ episode on Our Changing Selves. Remember to Like & Subscribe & Click that Follow button! 

Enjoy!


Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Stepping Out of the Box: Meditations on Love and Labels

Hey Speakerz! Wow! Some weeks go by quickly, others go by slowly. Really, what difference does it make, if any? Time is relative. Daylight saving. This week’s post is about the different kinds of love we can and do surround ourselves with. Let’s dive in!

We’ve established what it is to identify as Queer, now let’s think even more out of the box. Why? Well, because growth is stepping out of the box, pulling ourselves up and out of our comfort zones. Also, I realize that while the visibility for Queer black women is growing, so  too must the visibility for those of us who love differently in so very many ways. From the time that we as human beings are born, we are taught that there is a Prince Charming. Well, you can imagine the shock when you start being attracted to people and realize that Prince Charming could be either Prince or Princess or none of the above. Beyond that, they’re not actually royalty. There are no grand titles. So, Prince and Princess have the reality of being, a human being, possibly devoid of gender identity. Whoof! Glad we got through that! I get to be comfortable now right? Wrong!

I begin the dating process, and I realize that maybe what’s best is to find myself. I do a lot of self love, I dedicate myself to the movement. “I must be a forward thinker in all aspects.” No, I don’t live as a desexualized being, but I become much more choosy about who, where, why and how. Through this process, I learn that maybe monogamy in it’s traditional sense, isn’t what works for me. The classic, one man, one woman is already thrown out, so why not keep the broad?

I begin to engage with multiple identities with one common thread: Communication & Honesty. While doing this, I may find that there are other people who identify as I do! It’s called Polyamory! But then, I find multiple definitions and settings that only serve to make me more confused. So I defy the label. I live outside of it. I keep the thread of Communication & Honesty and leave the name somewhere in the wind as I run and jump in a meadow of acceptance. This cheesy dreamland is where I find myself.

Most people don’t understand the concept of loving more than one person openly, but it’s what we’re wired for. Why do we choose to live in a world of staunch monogamy? What if the “person of our dreams” is really ourselves and 10 additional people are our companions? They help guide us through life, they facilitate in our romantic development, they aid in communication improvement. Can that be enough?

Maybe the question isn’t if that can be enough, but how do we let love in? Every day, human beings choose to fight the programming and conditioning of thousands of years of expectation. We are expected as Americans in society to do certain things. Going against that reality requires a pioneering spirit. But let’s think critically. How many relationships end yearly because of “cheating”, which is really just code for lying? Too many. So what if the fear of rejection is gone and we’re openly allowed to discuss such taboo things as attraction to another human being? An open stream of communication allows for me to live freely and still have love in my life. It is possible to have my cake and eat it too! It just requires maturity of spirit. Why is this taboo again?

It would seem that fear navigates so much of our movement throughout this world. Unnecessary fear. It’s false. I don’t need or want it. So I simply discard it along with all the negativity and lower vibrational operations that the rest of the world wants me to pick up and carry. But hold on, we’re not finished!

Well, what about the people who are truly monogamous? I’m not saying that everyone should pick up the banner of multiple loving and storm through requiring that we all do the same. But what about just accepting the multiple and monogamous options? We should love, how we love. Be who we are. Wholly. Step out of our comfort zone and establish a being, human or otherwise.

The thing about love is that it’s expansive and never-ending. It doesn’t only filter in romantic or sexual relationships. What about the strong ties of friendship and sisterhood, brotherhood, etc. We have a very narrow scope of what those are and yet the love that they evoke can be so expansive. But without knowledge of self, how can we engage through all the rest? Through all the talk of attraction to others, how do we establish attraction with the self, the spirit absent of the ego? Human development is established in the Ego and the Spirit. The ego, is the truly human part of ourselves. It guards the petty, the self conscious, the prideful, etc. The spirit is the elevated state of ourselves. How can we filter between the two unless we know the two? Here we go with the Self Love mush.

Self love is really the fact that I know myself, I spend time with myself and I love who it is that I’ve found. Do I deserve to be alone and stranded because I’m not perfect? Certainly not! I deserve to be alone and full, complete, whole. Human beings are flawed and will continue to be. Knowing myself, loving myself, means that I can take accountability for myself and my actions. All of this is imperative in loving relationships with others. “Monogamous Heaven” as I like to call the expectation from society, leaves this part out. In “Monogamous Heaven” we wait for someone and we live happily ever after. But it’s a lie. That isn’t life. Life is constant work. Different types of work. We work on ourselves spiritually. We work on our career. We work on our communication. We work on maintaining the balance. The better we embrace it, the more ready we are for a life of adventure, acceptance, and yes…love.

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Talk to the Cat – Woke Diaries: I Am Not Your Negro Review

Hey Speakerz!

Welcome to Talk to the Cat – Woke Diaries! This week’s review is on the documentary “I Am Not Your Negro”. Watch, enjoy, share and let me know how you feel!

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Meaning-Filled Meditations: On Choices

Hey Speakerz! 

You know it’s our Friday episode time! Today’s episode is about choices! How we make them? Why? When? & all the goodness! 

Enjoy!


Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx

Truth: A Discovery of Meaning, Definition & Twists

Lately, it seems that the word “Truth” is following me everywhere that I go. I see it on bumper stickers, on titles of books, on clothes, on facebook; everywhere I turn, I see the word “truth”. This started me thinking about what the Universe was telling me. It was longer “trying” to tell me, but screaming it from every corner of existence. “Look up! Truth!” So, instead of ignoring the breadcrumbs laid for me, I decided to find Webster and start on an adventure.

Truth:

a. sincerity in action, character and utterance

b. the state of being the case; the body of real things, events and facts

In thinking about what is truth, I had to think about blanket truths versus relative truths. Can something that is true for me, not be true for someone else and vice versa? What if I come to a conclusion and it’s only true for me in the moment and then it changes? That’s just it. Being a human being on this plane is difficult partially because of the constant change. We are forever growing and developing, trying new things and failing, flying and instilling new thoughts and behaviors. The truth is that to find the truth, is to embrace change.

As the week went on, I kept finding more examples of truth. I found it in store titles, clothing, buildings etc. It constantly brought me back to my ability to accept change. If I can just live in the moment, I can work through it all. One thing that I’ve been focusing on is finding the truth in myself, on a personal level. What is my personal truth and how do I live in it. As an actor, we strive for living in the moment and being great at it. In addition, we have to know a deeper part of ourselves. I like to think that the characters that I play are simply a deep covered part of myself, and while I tap into them, I shed light where there was once darkness. In order to find those places, I have to embrace the constant change, but also find what is true for me in those moments. Isn’t that what living in the moment is? Not blocking the emotion, but allowing it to pass through, unhindered and find a way out.

I have a friend that says that poison bites two ways: On the way in and on the way out. If that’s true, than acknowledging our personal truths is like medicine that flows in and out. While it hurts, it also heals, if we allow it to. I remember being in my early 20s and how the big thing was the “hook-up  culture” mostly because it allowed room for no feeling. But poison bites two ways and so does truth serum. It isn’t blocking the feeling that human beings are made for. We are hard wired to feel and move on.

How do we twist the truth? Oftentimes, I think that we can either see the glass as half full or half empty and depending on our viewpoint, that’s how our life appears. In how we see the truth, as half full or half empty, we find the fight of the Ego versus the Soul. The Soul sees everything as one, whole and full while the Ego can always find something wrong. how do we learn to twist? To live in the soul? The fullness? If we each find our own truth, can we light the world with it together?

Find your truth. What’s true for me might not be true for you and that’s okay. Stand firm in what you’ve found and let no one compromise it.

Love Always,

Damali Speaks Xx