When The Underworld Offers You Food & Drink: Meditations on Vibrations

Hello Blogosphere! Wow. I can’t believe that a week has gone by so very fast! In all the flurries of life, I almost forgot the “holiday season”. I don’t celebrate at all. I haven’t made a holiday phone call or bought gifts for about 2 or so years. I think of the “holidays” as purely for commercial purposes. A time to get lost in the flurry of the wrong vibrations, so as to not focus and cultivate the powerful vibrations present at this time of year. But I’m getting so far ahead of myself. Let’s go back and start at the top.

When I was little, I developed an obsession with Greek mythology, in particular the story of Persephone. Persephone was the daughter of the Goddess of Spring, Demeter. Persephone is tricked into going into the Underworld by Hades, ruler of the very same domain. There are many ways to tell the story but my favorite was the trick of food and drink. The trick is not to eat anything or drink anything when one is in the Underworld. If you refuse the sustenance, you can leave, relatively untouched. If you eat or drink of the Underworld, the Underworld owns your soul. Persephone ate and drank while in the Underworld and Hades married her and kept her there during the winter months, while during the Spring and Summer, she was allowed to return to her mother. I remember when my mom would say, “Be careful who you eat and drink with. Only break bread with those who wish you well.” I always remembered that. There are so many moments in life where our gut tells us one thing and we know damn well that we shouldn’t do it, yet we go right on ahead. I know that Persephone’s gut intuition must’ve said, “Girl! Don’t eat that food!” and yet she trusted so much that people wouldn’t hurt her, that she ate it to her own detriment. Why don’t we follow what we know to be true? Why is it so simple that we make it hard?

Trust. Trust is one of those things that takes years to build up and can all be destroyed in 30 seconds or less. Yet, we have to go through life with even just a small amount of trust, right? I trust that my car won’t break down. I trust that this food is going to sustain me and not make me ill. I trust that I can hop in my car and drive to the beach without getting killed on the way there.  But what about when that trust is shattered? Is our existence at stake? How do we take stock of who we are when trust has been compromised?

My mother used to always tell me to “trust vibrations” because “they never lie”. She would say that people can hide their motives, they can hide their real feelings but “vibrations” can never be manipulated. If we go back to science, we and everything on this planet is made up of energy. We come from energy, we return to energy and with this energy, comes a certain vibration. It isn’t good or bad, it just is. Low vibrations tend to make us operate at a lower frequency and exist solely on one plane of essence. We eat, we sleep, we go through the motions. Higher vibrations help us to elevate. We run, jump, meditate, create, move mountains, and more with endless possibility and endless existence. But what about when we get scared of our own greatness? Reaching higher vibrations, or elevating can be scary. Life can be so simple that it’s hard and it’s in that simplicity that we find the courage to move forward with our purpose in life.

I heard a quote one time and I can’t remember who said it now but it ran along the lines of “It’s not our dark but our light that frightens us.” This makes me think. We all have a dichotomy that we cling to and fight against. The dark vs. the light. My personal dichotomy is between allowing my greatness to soar or allowing pride to surface. How do we truly find the balance? When we take the time to know ourselves truly, inside and out, we recognize our humanity and allow our souls to soar. We elevate. In elevation, we must also recognize that there is balance in all things. Humanity survives on balance. When things are extremes, we find panic attacks, anxiety, hopelessness, depresssion, etc. Stay in balance. Check yourself before you wreck yourself and allow yourself the accountability. It’s okay to say “I fucked up”, just don’t let the fuck up stop you.

To bring it all back, being careful about where and how we accept food and drink is really how we accept life and love from ourselves. Trust in vibrations, is truly about how we trust in our own greatness and in our own vibrational force. As the Matrix compels us, will we take the red or blue pill? Will we set ourselves free with the tools discovered, or will we go back to a world of misgivings? I choose to wake, to love, to engage fully with myself and to reap the benefits of all that encompasses.

What will you choose?

 

Damali Speaks Xx

Advertisements

How do We Find Clarity Through the Weight of the Winter?

Hello Faithful Blogosphere! So much has happened since last we spoke. It is currently Winter in LA, which I’m learning doesn’t really mean anything but a slight lowering of temperature. The leaves don’t change. There’s no real chill in the air. Apple and Pumpkin picking are non-existent. I’m reminiscing. I know. Fall into Winter is my favorite season of all on the east coast, so I’m missing it now more than ever. But alas, we must move on to the topics of the day. Today’s topics are things that I’ve been meditating on for a few weeks: Weight Gain and Loss.

I’ve been having really amazing conversations and interactions with really dope people since finding my footing here in LA. It makes me truly thankful for the hands that guide me through this world. Most recently, I had a conversation about weight, both the gain and loss of it. Since the big move, I’ve lost about 10-15 or so pounds. I don’t know exactly how much I’ve lost because I’m not actually keeping track as much as people are keeping track for me.  I know what you’re thinking, the LA life is getting to me and I’ve become a health nut. Well, that’s the thing. My diet has stayed basically the same, which is pretty healthy with the exception of ice cream (Don’t ever ask me to give ice cream up because I won’t). Beyond that, my running schedule has been swapped with dance. So In all fairness, I probably should’ve gained weight. But I didn’t. After talking about this with a friend, they said something to the effect of weight being as much spiritual as it is physical. Sometimes our body holds on to weight and only lets it go when we’ve released the lesson. Thinking of this past year, it would make perfect sense that my body held on to a lot of weight and now that the lesson is learned and the stress gone, so too goes the weight.

Thinking of all this weight gain and loss and how people see me as a smaller size sparked some questions. Why is it that we live in a society that prides women on maintaining a certain look and size? Why do we only value specific types of curves? Why is having a belly an undesireable thing? What are these unbelievable body standards that we place on ourselves, regardless of sex and gender?

Americans are some of the most overweight people in the world. Maybe this is due to the fact that we live to eat instead of eating to live. Food is nourishment for our bodies, it propels us forward. If as a society, we ate in ways that would help to facilitate that forward movement, we wouldn’t be as overweight. Okay, I know my love of ice cream has absolutely nothing to do with giving me energy to get through my day. But, I don’t eat ice cream every day. Eating fast food as much as we do is not helpful in the process of taking care of our bodies. For people who say that eating healthy costs money, I would say that in my years of living as an adult, I have yet to make over $15,000 a year and I’ve lived as a vegetarian pretty successfully. It can be done. It takes more effort than you might expect, but it most certainly can be done.

In watching my body shift and change, I realize that “skinny” doesn’t mean “healthy”. Becoming comfortable with the curves that have so been lusted after for centuries is to embrace womanhood. Women have a host of body types, curves are one of them. I remember going to museums and being so entranced by the Italian Renaissance era. The women were shapely with thighs, hips and bellies and seemed so comfortable in their womanliness. That’s what I wanted to look like! Now, I DO look like that and on some days I actually get upset because I want to be smaller! That’s so counter-productive to embracing the self. This body is simply a car that we drive while on this plane. Our souls are much more full than we give them credit for. What happens when you don’t take care of the car? It malfunctions! We must choose to take care of the car! Take care of the psyche, the emotions, the physical, and the spiritual.

So maybe the real question is, how much do we love ourselves? Enough to take care of the whole car, inside and out.

Damali Speaks Xx

 

 

Meditations on Sexual Energy: What Is It to Find Yourself?

Hello Blogosphere! I am sitting in a Starbucks in LA writing this and as I do, I chuckle to myself. A few months ago, I would’ve been so embarrassed to write this. I would’ve dimmed the screen and made sure that no one could see it. But the me I am now is like, “That’s right I’m writing about finding myself sexy! And WHAT?!”

Okay, on to the topic at hand. A few months ago, I decided to promise to myself that I would only have sex with a person that I allowed to make love to my mind completely before ever getting my clothes off my body. So it’s been a dry few months. Call it what you will, celibacy, abstaining, etc. I call it Sex with Self, because really, I’m not going without and the energy I would’ve put into “gettin some” has transferred to my art, so I am making SO much art ova here!

I decided to focus on sex with myself, mostly because I’d always had a hard time finding myself sexy. I always have been, I just didn’t embrace it in myself. I have a very earthy drop in energy about myself despite being an Aquarius-Pisces. I notice that either people drop in with my energy or they get the heck away. I don’t take offense either way, but I was curious about how this transferred to my sex life and view of myself as a sexual being. I’ve said it before but I was a very sexual and sensual child. I wanted to use all of my senses to experience the world. Well, how do we incorporate that into how we use sex? Physical Sex is very base. It comes from a physical urge to mate and procreate and yea connect on a deeper level, but if we choose to honor the urge, the act can be pretty empty and purely physical. But within that is an exchange of energy, emotions and joining. Condoms protect against a lot, but not that, so how do we make sure our energy stays clean? How do we maintain who we are? Can that same energy be turned around and used on myself for my own sensual and sexual pleasure? I’m way more interested in the spiritual, emotional and psychological benefit to sexual energy that is channeled toward my own growth and exploration.

I’ve been taking a lot of time to find the answers for myself.  As a young black girl, growing up with an older brother, I was always taught to be less aggressive, to make myself smaller and yet all I wanted was to be like my brother and not at all like my mother. When I would openly scratch my vagina because things get itchy, especially during puberty, there was always the moment of “Don’t do that.”But my brother could do what he wanted. Yet, my house was a matriarchy. Sometimes I think that my mother and I put ourselves in a prison that we didn’t have to live in. A prison of unattainable “femininity” and “purity”. Exploring myself sexually with other people seemed only rational, especially post sexual assault. But the part of reclaiming my energy is mine and mine alone. Sexual energy is powerful. Why did I give it up without learning to wield it myself first? In wielding it, why not focus on all the areas. How am I connecting to myself spiritually? How do I feel emotionally as I break down and build up my sexual nature?  Lately, I’ve been getting to know my body and my soul so very intimately and loving what I discover because I am a maze that I want to learn my entire way through, backwards and forwards. Masturbation is liberty and so definitely not death. Abstaining completely is the same as well. What works one week, may not work the next and vice versa.  At the same time, my sense of style is completely changing, and I welcome it. What feels good to my body is what gets worn. What fabrics make me feel what? How does it feel to wear a skirt with nothing underneath, for no one but myself? How does it feel to sit and just discover my breathing? What do my dreams tell me? How does the sexual energy express itself throughout my entire existence without limits? If I don’t want to uncover and explore my own existence, why would anyone else?

The other day, I sat in yet another Starbucks with a friend of mine and we interviewed each other and recorded it on voice memos. One of the questions he asked me had to do with what I’ve been really marinating on for the past month. Instantly, I knew what this weeks blog post would be about. There certainly aren’t enough black women voices telling us that it’s more than okay to find yourself sexually with yourself and for me, that’s been my main focus. I am sexy. I exude sexual energy for myself and myself alone before I share it with anyone else. I enjoy my sexuality. Take that as you will. I hope that you enjoy yours too.

 

Damali Speaks Xo

Meditations on Body Loving & Healthy Living

Hello Blogosphere! Well, it’s been a week of being on the W{Healthy} Living Plan and I can now actually evaluate and speak on my detox process. Re-wiring your body to treat yourself well is a process. We have to learn how to re-wire not only our bodies, but our minds as well. On an everyday basis, how many times do you think about the layers of yourself? I know, weird question right? But we as human beings have so many layers to who we are and on this Living Plan, I got to map out and dig into more of those layers. Let me explain, courtesy of my dear friend and business partner, Baja Marie, I have gifted her my body for the week. I only eat food that she prepares for 7 days as a detox process. It was challenging and illuminating, fun and delicious.


Hunger is a great motivator. When I’m full, satiated, I don’t feel as much, try as hard, breathe as deeply or even really challenge myself to question. Our world likes to keep us satiated. The abundance of junk foods that tricks us into feeling full, yet we keep eating is astounding when you think about it. We are feeding not only our physical body. We feed our spiritual selves, our physical selves, our inner child, our mental body, our emotional body, etc. One thing I learned that was most powerful is that all of that gets knowledge when I intake food, so it is imperative that I choose wisely. The early days of the Plan were mapped out by quiet, stillness, breathing and getting in touch with my soul, what’s passed my eyes and passed my immediate brain. Questions of: Who am I really? Who am I outside of a name? Who is this spirit that I seem to be? I personally find those things in moments of stillness, when all I have is myself to be present with. Something else that I realized in these early days was that I never learned how to really breathe. I’m a singer, dancer, actress and I never thought twice about how my breath filters in my original self! How is that?! Breathing gets me in touch with my emotions, with my body, with my spiritual awareness. To breathe is to engage. Maybe that’s why yoga classes focus so much on breathing. What is your individual breathing style? That was my main challenge. Yoga classes and vocal technique can teach me to breathe for my performance but when I’m walking down the block on a sunny day, how do I take in the oxygen around me? How do I thank my lungs for the work they do and indulge them? All of this had to be a main focus because I was so hungry! I ate all day! I had apples, almonds, a smoothie, a salad, and yet I was always hungry. I didn’t quite understand it! The beginning of the detox process insists that you embrace the hunger and let it fuel you.


I read somewhere in the search for some good memes, that in 2016, we as human beings are wired to think negatively about ourselves and everyone and everything around us. In re-wiring my brain for love and positivity, I realized just how difficult it is to challenge the world around you, but also that when you make a decision to love and take no prisoners as you do it, the Universe supports your endeavor. As I re-wired my brain, I ran across loving energy consistently, and when I didn’t, instead of taking the bait of negativity, I turned the energy given to me around in a positive manner. Most of the time, the result was love sent back! So, how powerful are our hearts when we give our minds a rest?

The end the Plan was characterized with music. I had lots of energy and spent time out in the gorgeous California sun but I also found time to play music that massaged my soul back to life. The two albums that stuck out the most were Jill Scott’s “Light of the Sun” and Kelis’ “Food”. Both relatively recent, but with an old flavor, I sank into my bed and let the chords and emotions wash over me. I felt solid, rested and ready to get back to me.

Damali Speaks Xx