How Old Would You Know Yourself to Be? Part 1

“How old do you know yourself to be?” She stopped drinking her mint tea and looked up, and there in front of her face, was herself.

She sat on the sill of her window and although she was looking outward, she wasn’t actually watching anything happening outside. As usual, she was daydreaming. There was a certain feel to days like this one. She didn’t have words for many feelings and moments. She preferred to just live in them and let them be unnameable as they oftentimes were. She had what her grandmother called a recycled soul. Despite being only twenty-four years old, She had a presence that was far beyond her years. She knew things and kept to herself often despite being what the world proclaimed an “extrovert”. She talked a lot, sometimes about nothing. Most days, she was a regular twenty-four year old woman, mischievous and naive and not yet hardened by the world. But then on some days, she was old, weathered, and tired and simply missed the other part of herself. With deep caramel colored skin and dark brown eyes that seemed to hold the world, she would sit on days like this and stare. The same youth would transform into that of a wise, genderless being who refused to conform to universal norms and simply wanted to return home and experience peace. But peace was not yet within reach. There were things on this earth that still needed to be done. Her small studio apartment in Los Angeles didn’t overlook much. Staring out the window, she saw desert hills and people jogging. She had only moved here three months ago and wasn’t yet used to anything the city offered. The sun always shone, and it seemed that the city was constantly unfolding before her eyes. Now, she thought about how she could find a way to slow down. Los Angeles was a slow city that was always on a grind. Everyone didn’t seem to be working and yet, all they did was work.

Can Freedom be Found in Collective?: Meditations on Living in a Collective Space

Hey Blogosphere! I have to say that I owe you all a huge apology. My life since moving to Los Angeles has been super cray, super fast. I’ve gotten jobs, quit them, found other jobs and started living in a collective with two other beautifully black individuals who constantly keep me on my toes in more ways than one. As a result, my blog has suffered! BUT! It suffered because I’m focusing a LOT of my energy into a YouTube Channel! My YouTube name is Damali Speaks and moving forward, everything here will be shared there and visa versa. The blogs I start here will be videos answering the questions I pose there, etc. I promise to share all links and also to blog while I establish this new thing. I will not leave you! I promise. I have to say that I really do love writing this blog and I miss it terribly when I’m away. There’s something about typing life’s chronicles that is entirely different from video. The art of writing, old as it is has a certain something that I can’t help but come back to. Let’s dive into the topic of today’s post!

I recently went from living mostly in a single fashion, to living in very close proximity with two other human beings. It’s definitely true that we as human beings learn more about ourselves when we interact with others. Do you ever find yourself in other people? What I mean by that is: What attracts you to other people?. That’s a question that I’ve been asking myself throughout this entire process. The more I get to know about these people, the more I realize that “I am you. You are me. We are one. ” is the truest statement ever.

To simplify it, did you grow up hearing ” Be careful who you keep company with.”? As much as we may dislike to admit it, the people in our lives are simply reflections of us. So if I’m letting people in my life who don’t seem right, it may be a good idea to do some digging and take stock of where I am emotionally, psychologically, physically, etc. Now this isn’t always the case. Sometimes there are people who I like to call “Energy Vampires”. They see my energy and they want some, so they attach themselves to me and now I’m stuck with someone that I didn’t even realize did absolutely nothing to be in my space except charm the pants off me and I’m the one suffering. So I say sayonara and make a swift exit!

How do I know who means well and who means ill? Well, that’s the tricky question isn’t it? In living in collective, I consistently question. I’m always asking if this is real. I’m always waiting for these people to turn on me or make a swift exit themselves. But in reality, when I surround myself with giving people and we’re all focused on giving to each other, we’re not thinking about taking and running, we’re thinking about giving and building off what each of us possess and give to each other. We each have our roles and even though those roles switch, they still stay very much the same. One of my loves likes to say that they “call things into existence”. I’ve called it “Manifestation” for years. I manifested a collective over the course of years. It kept coming and being entirely too messed up for me to truly invest. I manifest my life moving forward. My responsibility is to be ready for the manifestation to appear.

But enough about me. What do you manifest? Where does your collective lie? What is your self love plan? Do you have a plan? Who has your back?

I send you light, love and acceptance. Until next time.

Damali Speaks Xx