Back at it again! What’s goodie, Blogosphere! I started writing this post when I had four days in New York left before I jetted off to the land that is Los Angeles, California. In this time, I’d been cleaning my childhood room, spending lots of time with family and friends, applying for jobs, looking for cars and apartments and marinating on what exactly it is that my life is and is not.
I’d found myself stumped by this ideal that is “Success”. When I was a young girl, I always wanted to be “Successful”, but I never really knew what that meant. Did that mean winning a Tony Award? Did that mean getting all A’s in school? Did that mean meeting the person of my dreams, falling in love and having a family? What is “success”? Is it real? Is it a social construct? Is it that as long as we are satisfied with our work and our lives, we are success? Can just living, being and trying be classified as success?
I am incredibly blessed to be the big cousin of two beautiful brown thirteen year old twin girls. They keep me constantly questioning, searching, loving and learning. I never knew that my heart could be so full until they were born. Premature and weighing in at one pound each, doctors and family alike believed that they wouldn’t make it. But they beat the odds. Here they are today, strong and smart, funny and talented. They push me to be a better person. I want them to know that as young black women in this world, they are capable of so many things. The sky is the limit. Failure is your good fortune.
This morning, I boarded a plane at 5am, bound for the land of eternal sunshine, movie stars and amazing beaches. Los Angeles. I felt as though I had been planning for this day my entire life. Or maybe just this year. I had packed all that needed to be packed, made a reservation for a car rental, made arrangements to stay with my god-brother and his wonderful husband in West Hollywood until I find an apartment, and gone to the gym so I could feel good about my body. I don’t think I ever could have prepared myself for the reality of what it is to step out and leave everything I know, for complete mystery and a need to explore. This day has by far been the longest day of my entire life. I slept on the plane, slept when I got to WeHo (West Hollywood), and still woke up feeling exhausted. I made myself get up and walk around and I found out that the drama bookshop 15 minutes away from the apartment is hiring part time, which drove me to do a happy dance down Sunset Blvd.
Beyond that, I’ve been Craigslisting for cars, because when in LA, one must get a vehicle. Everything here moves at a much slower pace, even though it is a city. It’s hot, but the heat doesn’t make your face want to melt off, much like the heat on the East Coast. I think, I’ve found home for now. But I still have a list of things that need to get done.